The thin line between being resourceful and settling

I wanted to talk about a theme that I noticed one weekend. That there’s a thin line between settling and being resourceful. And I say this as a mom that … Let me just tell you a couple of quick stories.

    On Saturday, I really needed to leave the house in order to put the deposit down on this other venue to do a workshop in BEFORE heading off to do ANOTHER workshop. The plan was this: Get everyone ready to go, take the family with me to the first location, drop off the check, have lunch with them and drop them back home before running out again. That was the plan and we needed to do this as quickly as possible!

             So, the thing is, my daughter really loves this princess dress she wore for Halloween. And she just absolutely did not want to step out of the house without it. And I was just like, “Honey, I love to see you in the princess dress. But, it’s in the washing machine now. We can’t do anything about it. We have to go find another dress.”

    And she was like, “NO PRINCESS DRESS!” So this conversation happened over and over again, 20 times over! I was getting more and more frustrated with it. She was getting more and more frustrated with it too. Eventually I was just like, “Honey, I’m going to leave without you if you don’t come out. If you just can’t settle on something to wear.” And so, she was still like, “No, princess dress!” So, I walked away because I needed to. Mommy was having big feelings. My husband was like, “Do what you need to do.” In that moment I decided to be go to the venue without them, just because it was so difficult to leave with her and I needed to get things done. But, then I pulled away for two minutes in the car and realized this wouldn’t pay off anyways considering how far the venue was from our house and my current time constraints. It just made more sense to somehow get the child in the car and take her with me than to go back and forth. Plus, I didn’t feel good leaving her like that.  I came back and finally she settled for a non-princess dress. It was still a princess dress, it had Cinderella. But, she finally settled for it.

    There was another time in the morning when she was like, “I’m hungry.” And I’m like, “Okay honey, what do you want? We have this, and this, and this, and this.” And I gave her three or four options, and she wouldn’t take any of them. She was like, “No!” And then she would just open the refrigerator and just stare at it. You could tell her little arms, (she’s only two)wanted to reach in there and pull out everything to see what was in there. And I’m like, “Honey, this is not going to work. This not realistic. You need to figure out what you want to eat with what we have.”

    I realized after these two different conversations and situations, that in a way I was teaching my daughter to settle. I hated this realization because I don’t want my clients, I don’t want women around me, I don’t want myself to just settle for just anything. Honestly, if my daughter was 16 years old and she was like, “Hey mom, I don’t want anything in this house, let’s drive off to the grocery store together.” I would totally be up for that. I would totally just support her in that and be, “Okay, let’s just go.” If there’s absolutely nothing in the house that she just didn’t want. But, she’s two. She’s two. And it’s one of those things where I can’t exactly be rushing to the store every single time she just chose not to eat whatever. Or I can’t make the princess dress get out of the washer while it was soaking wet, especially when we were on a time crunch!

    I couldn’t do that. So, in a way I’m teaching her to settle, but then I’m also teaching her to be resourceful. For instance, I end up putting her in the Cinderella dress that had a little Cinderella picture and it had a really pouffy skirt, as opposed to the princess dress. We were trying to make due with what we had. Or when it came to whatever she was eating, I was like, “You know what, honey, this is what we have.” And I waited until she was hungry enough to figure it out. After these two situations I know now there is a thin line between settling and being resourceful.

    You can ride both sides of the line: There will be times where you will be settling more and there will be times when you will just be plain ole’ resourceful. Really, its best to live in the middle so you don’t settle for EVERYTHING and being resourceful ALL THE TIME sounds tiring.  Just so you all get a clear definition of what each of them is, settling … When I talk about settling I mean, oh there’s nothing more for me, I’m just going to settle for whatever is here. And that doesn’t just go for what’s in the pantry or what’s in the refrigerator, or what outfit you get to wear. It’s more like, I’m settling for whatever guys come my way, or whatever girls come my way to become romantic partners because the ones I actually want won’t ever want me. So, why should I ever aim more. Or settling, like oh I’m in the job, I should never ask for more money, because I should just be grateful to have a job. So, I’m settling.

    Then there’s being resourceful, which is like, just using what you have. Period. Trying to make due with it, because you have no other choice, or there’s very little choice to deal with it. Sometimes being resourceful can be creative. Sometimes being resourceful can just be “we just need to just do it for now” as a temporary thing. Being resourceful can just be like, hey, you know what, we’re just making due with a current situation, whatever it is.

    My issue here is, that I’m teaching my daughter to settle, which I hate. But, then I’m also teaching her to be resourceful. As her mom, I know that whatever I do will empower her down the road. Whatever behaviors and lessons I teach her now, they’re going to stay with her, for a very long time. I hope that whatever I’m instilling in her are things that she would never want to forget.

             You need to be resourceful, but you shouldn’t settle either.

    When thinking about your own life, what are you settling for? How are you being resourceful? How are you going about this when you are dealing with the next generation of girls? As a teacher? Or a parent? Or any other profession or role that serves young girls? Think about that.

    When I talk about body empowerment, it is with the intention of benefiting you now as an individual. But, it’s with the long-term motivation to better things for the next generation. Sometimes in my Facebook lives I talk about being a mom, and how I am trying to tackle some of these things. I’m not perfect. I don’t have it all figured out. I’m not going to say that this is the definite solution. But, it is one of those things where it’s very important for me and for her. She needs a strong sense of self and I want that for her so badly.

    The best way I can do that is to just constantly evaluate. Evaluate and just think about these things on a deeper level. And I know sometimes things get rushed. I know sometimes you’ve just got to do what you’ve got to do. Sometimes you’ve just got to give yourself a break. I get that. I totally get that. I advocate all of those things. But, when you get a moment to yourself. After you’ve had your alone time, when some things that happen during the day just keep bugging you, it’s a good time to just reflect and re-evaluate.

  To watch me talk about this on video, go here.

Want to stop settling ALL THE TIME? Download my FREE “Grow To Love Yourself in 6 Steps” guide at http://bit.ly/SelfLovein6

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