Owning my story!

So many things have happened since I started my personal blog.

 

I lost 62 pounds. I became a weight loss coach. Became a mommy and gained back about 15 to 20 pounds. Realized my heart wasn’t into helping people with weight loss anymore. Then found a coach who made me fall flat on my face. Not because of tough love (although there is plenty of it) but because she made me look at my personal story and realized my direction in life was pointing me in a different direction.

 

My struggle was never so much the weight.

 

It was about my self-acceptance. My self-worth. What I was able to accomplish once I finally believed that I deserved to go for what I wanted.

 

But here’s the real kicker: Even though I triumphed over so many of my own struggles, for some reason or another I didn’t own my story. Like I literally could not give myself credit for everything I had been through. Instead, I hid behind all of my certifications.

 

Now I know that in order to own my story, I have to tell it. To tell it, I need to be seen. To be seen requires to be center stage. To be center stage is uncomfortable, but I had to come to a point where keeping my story to myself was even more unbearable.

 

So here I am world! Here is my story for all of you to hear.

 

When I was 6 years old, my grandmother had a stroke and afterwards she couldn’t walk, talk or eat on her own without a food tube. Her mind was completely in tact though, she was completely aware of everything going on around her but was helpless to live her life. Overnight, she literally became a prisoner in her own body. This was a point where the bliss of childhood was stolen away. I had just barely gotten to know the concept of life and death and yet no one had prepared me for what was in the middle. I never knew someone could be alive but not living their life at the same time. Unfortunately this is how my grandmother spent the last 7 years of her life.

 

From this moment on I grew afraid of losing the people I loved around me and if that did happen, I would be alone. Now that, my friends, was my greatest fear.

 

So what did I do? My emotionally sensitive nature did what anyone would do, cling to what they knew. For me it was pleasing people, making sure I got their approval, bending overbackwards for everyone and running away from conflict out of fear of breaking up hard fought friendships.

 

But by living for everyone else, but ensuring that I didn’t lose them in any way, I was becoming a prisoner in my own body. My issues with my weight, my confidence and my body image were my cage and I was foolish enough to give other people the keys.

 

I let them dictate who I should or shouldn’t be as a person.

 

I let them tell me who I should and shouldn’t have as friends.

 

I let them dictate my freedom and my power.

 

Then one day, I had an epiphany:

 

If I’ve been giving the keys away to other people then I could get those keys back!

 

Little by little, I got one key back at a time. As soon as I got the whole set, I made my getaway and boy, did I run for the hills!

 

I found the love of my life when I was over 200 lbs. I healed my relationship with my body so despite not being at my smallest anymore, I know my light is shining on the outside. I celebrate food now as a source of comfort and creativity, not as a form of punishment and deprivation. And despite all of my responsibilities as a wife, a mom and a business owner, I live my life for me now.

 

I am free now and never looking back.

 

Now tell me, what are you doing to take the keys back to your power and freedom?

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